it has been 1 week since I lost my Angel… it feels like a lifetime… I feel so completely numb. My dogs are staring at me and asking themselves why is she crying, but I cannot help it. We had so many dreams and hopes for our Angel and it was never meant to be. I am physically recovering but I have no idea how long it will take for my heart to recover. I carried her for a little over 5 months. I kept headphones over my stomach at night so Angel could associate that with soothing sounds when she was born, but she never got the chance.
Madhujit picked up her remains yesterday from Indiana, they wanted to send her US Postal service but I could not allow my baby to be put in the mail. Everyone has been so nice and understanding but it is really getting through each day trying not to think of anything that will send you into tears, atleast not when others around. For them, it is the awkward feeling of not knowing what to say or do, and for me, normally a very private person, how can I break down infront of others.
I always knew I got the most wonderful guy in the world when I married Madhujit, but he proved himself over and over during this nightmare… trying to make me smile or laugh or just being there for me when I need someone to hold, when I know his heart is breaking too. I could not imagine my life without him, standing by my side.
I will always question why us, we will make wonderful parents, wanting to give 2 special children a home filled with love and opportunities to the best of our abilities. Angel my first born, will never get to know us, but I hope she is aware of the love we have for her. I pray God will gift us with another child as soon as possible for we have so much love to offer- heck, anyone that knows us, knows our dogs are the most spoiled rotten puppies, can you imagine us with our children?